Wednesday, August 02, 2006

When Hell is cool and comfortable...

So life has been odd - the heat here really does make hell feel comfortable - along with that I have been at odds with not only myself but Kevin as well. It was in the middle of the night that I realized what I was expecting and what I was wanting, and getting were always going to be three very separate things, and that while I did deserve some consideration, I had to look at the other person and realize HE'S MALE!!!!!!! I was never going to understand, or get him to realize what he was doing that was upsetting me. It wasn't anything big - more a matter of NOT ANSWERING HIS PHONE!!! But at the same time it's not just me he doesn't answer the phone for - or return calls to - it's EVERYONE - the man has serious phone issues. So I feel better - at the same time realizing that what I was expecting from him was for him to change and men never change. I have to decide if what I expect and want and what I have, will mix or if I need to re-evaluate what I want and expect, because what I have will not change. If what I have is not what I need then that is something totally different.

Look at me all philosophical at this time of day!(it's the middle of my night!)
I have had alot of people tell me to drop him, he's not worth the trouble, why would you continue to talk to someone who doesn't put you first, bla, bla, bla. WAIT A MINUTE - I never asked for a serious relationship from him, we have never talked about being more then friends and seeing how things go - so I can't really expect him to treat me like a serious relationship, or any way other then a friend - and by the same count I can't do anything more then treat him like a friend - and I have friends that take weeks to return a call! I just have to figure out if I can live with this.
Time will tell.

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