Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Live life

I've been thinking about my life lately, all the things happening lately, the move, the new store, learning about my promotion, seeming to get my life in some kind of order. Yet it feels incomplete. Like there is a big hole with something missing. Now I am not one of those girls who has to have a guy, ask anyone I tend to go awhile between dates, my choice. I have found that I am happy without a guy they just add drama, but sometimes I need drama. Life otherwise can get boring. So lately I've been thinking about all the guys that have passed through my life and what they ment to me. Some at the time seemed so important, life changing, that looking back I can't for the life of me even remember what I saw in them. Others that I held at arms length, and never let anything develop - are more important - should I have let things develop, what if? One stands out, been thinging about him alot lately, what if? I hate what if, it's a human condition thought up by some demon to drive us insane, he's down there laughing his ass off now as we sit here. But still I can't help myself. What if? You know what I don't care, nothing happened at the time, maybe sometime in the future I'll see him again and take that leap - maybe i won't but at this point, to quote "I wish you would make up my bed, so I could make up my mind" (anyone know the song?) My mind will churn and maybe give me some rest now that I've written it all down. You ever think, it's the journey that makes you right for the one you end up with? Maybe that's why so many young marriages don't work - you aren't ready for that person yet. You have to expand, grow, learn first.
Side note - anyone watch this season of gilmore girls? I hate that Luke and Lorelai broke up - she just doesn't seem right with christopher. (sigh)

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