Live life

I've been thinking about my life lately, all the things happening lately, the move, the new store, learning about my promotion, seeming to get my life in some kind of order. Yet it feels incomplete. Like there is a big hole with something missing. Now I am not one of those girls who has to have a guy, ask anyone I tend to go awhile between dates, my choice. I have found that I am happy without a guy they just add drama, but sometimes I need drama. Life otherwise can get boring. So lately I've been thinking about all the guys that have passed through my life and what they ment to me. Some at the time seemed so important, life changing, that looking back I can't for the life of me even remember what I saw in them. Others that I held at arms length, and never let anything develop - are more important - should I have let things develop, what if? One stands out, been thinging about him alot lately, what if? I hate what if, it's a human condition thought up by some demon to drive us insane, he's down there laughing his ass off now as we sit here. But still I can't help myself. What if? You know what I don't care, nothing happened at the time, maybe sometime in the future I'll see him again and take that leap - maybe i won't but at this point, to quote "I wish you would make up my bed, so I could make up my mind" (anyone know the song?) My mind will churn and maybe give me some rest now that I've written it all down. You ever think, it's the journey that makes you right for the one you end up with? Maybe that's why so many young marriages don't work - you aren't ready for that person yet. You have to expand, grow, learn first.
Side note - anyone watch this season of gilmore girls? I hate that Luke and Lorelai broke up - she just doesn't seem right with christopher. (sigh)

Where in the world are we?

Just wanted to let you know, we are alive and well!! Having done 3400 miles in 8 days, and helping to open a brand new store, we are just plain tired! As soon as we find ourselves, we will post and catch you up!!!

op & L

I'm OBSESSED!!!!!

I can't seem to help myself, I started the Conquering Cables KAL http://conqueringcables.blogspot.com and learned the Irish Hiking scarf pattern for the first project - as well as my first cable pattern EVER, and now I can't stop! First I did the purple pair of fingerless gloves on the bottom left(for mom), then I did the rose colored pair above them(for grandma), then I started the mushroom colored scarf(for granddaddy), then I did the grey pair, then I started the darker pink pair in a longer length for me!First one done second one already cast on. I should have some of my own obsession! But I still have plans for matching scarves for the rose and purple as well as my pink. A friend said I was obsessed, and I didn't believe him, I mean I'm just knitting a little - okay a lot. I'm a slow knitter and have done all this in like a week. I usually don't even finish a project! But I can live with this obsession, it along with Lime and Violet have helped me de-stress lately while trying to cope with this DAMN MOVE!!!
Move update: Mom and Dad will be here Thursday night with the trailer, we load up Friday, have a yardsale sat and sun to get rid of the junk left behind, sit what's left on the curb for Monday pick-up and roll out of here Monday 9am. 2 days travel to VA, and Friday I report to my new job. GOD HELP ME!!!! Just writing it makes me sick to my stomach!

I hurt myself

So I have been packing, and then worked odd shifts, where I wasn't in charge, and ended up on bar - FOR HOURS!!! You may not think that working the bar is physically demanding, but my shoulder has given out. My right arm is fine, but I can no longer lift it up to say touch my head without almost falling to the floor in pain, Sharp stabbing pain radiating from my shoulder across my neck. Great right. I can barely knit. Horror. So I am sitting here reading my email with a heating pad across my shoulder, and neck. I have managed to do 2 things - one is finish the first of a grey pair of fingerless gloves in the Irish hiking pattern, and started a scarf in a mushroom color in the same pattern. Pics here.
Had a bunch of stuff to say and am just to tired and in pain, so I'm for bed.

My Zen

I have resisted knitting for a very long time. My grandma frist taught me to knit when I was very young 6 or 7 I think - I can still remember her helping me, and the way the yarn never did what I wanted it to do. I learned to crochet when I was 19 from my mother and grasped that concept easily, I am deslexic and could never understand most patterns - I just couldn't see the way things were suppost to go in my head. So I did all my crochet with no pattern, once I understood stitches, I just did them - all my own patterns and none ever written down - mom still has a fit over the hats I did that could never be repeated since I didn't even pay attention to what I was doing as i made them. I loved cross stitch with the colors and the set design I could see at a glance. But knitting with it's 2 sticks and yarn that went in odd ways frustrated, and aggrivated me. I didn't understand it, the patterns left me oddly unhappy, and the yarn never looked right. I also have the attention span of - oh how did miss violet put it - a gnat on crack I think is what she said. I always have at least 5 projects going in each craft (knitting, cross stitch, crochet, and others) Large projects while they catch my eye are not for me - a sweater - forget about it - no way I will ever finish it.

But lately I have finally found the zen I get at other crafts, the peace I have when I crochet, or cross stitch. The blank, peaceful space where my mind is clear and the world fades away. My mother has never understood how I could read a book, and watch a movie, while waiting for an email and pay attention to all 3 and never loose any part of two story lines and reply to the email, but my mind never seems to stop going in a hundres directions - except when I get in my zen space.
I can do it with a book if I concentrate, but it has always come easily and quickly in my crochet and cross stitch. Now the knitting is bringing it. Even if I only have 10 minutes I can sit and knit and my mind floats, at peace, easy, relaxed. The stress decreases, the problems pull away and things are easier for that 10 minutes. It makes me want to teach more people to find their zen. Find the calm in yourself where you understand and really like yourself. The place where it doesn't matter what else is going on in your life you are okay.

Everyone needs that calm blank space.

OH MY GOD!!! OH MY GOD!!!

HEART ATTACK!! PANIC ATTACK!!! HELP! HELP! IT'S HORRID!!!
I SAT ON MY BAMBOO KNITTING NEEDLE!!! THE SOUND!!! CHILLS ALL OVER MY BODY, THE HORROR!
I thought I was going to faint! I was light headed, dizzy and sick to my stomach!!!
As soon as I heard it I knew! IT WAS CRACKED!!! Not completely broken all the way through, thank god, just cracked alittle, but still, my poor needle.
Thank Goodness I had felt the need two days ago to buy another pair at the yarn store so I was able to finish these. (The pale pink - it is really a pink heather color I love!)
I still have to make the matching scarf I have planned to go with them, but I finished my second cable project! I really enjoyed it and already am half way through a grey pair. The first pair I made (the purpe ones) are thinner weight, done on a larger needle with a sport weight yarn, instead of this worsted weight. But they are very pretty and I really liked the way they looked -- not as bulky as the light pink ones. I plan on finishing the grey ones and doing a scarf to match, then doing a scarf to out of a brownish color for a christmas present. I am really loving this pattern, so easy to remember, and it works up so quick! I am a member of a cable's KAL that this was the first pattern ( In the scarf version) and am so happy I found it!
http://conqueringcables.blogspot.com if anyone is interested.
After I get this more out of my system I think I'm going to try socks. There are some awesome sock yarns out there that I am starting to feel the need to buy! Well, when I'm rich.
I'm for bed, have a really weird schedule this week and have to be at work at 5pm tonight, so I need sleep!

I'm back

I know it's been awhile since I posted anything - so much has been going on and my mind has been running in a million directions with not much hope of fixing on anything. Lots of changes - I'm moving to Va on Nov 1 - this was not even a vision of soon a couple of weeks ago - and now everything is set in motion and in place for me to go!
I have started knitting a pair of cabled fingerless gloves and am trying to talk mom in to joining this KAL and making me this skirt - since I have very limited patience!
www.intolerablecrueltykal.blogspot.com
I really like it and would actually wear it!
What else has happened - sweetpea went to live with josh, the house is very quiet without him here. I am in the middle of boxes and stacks of junk everywhere.
Today I feel the need to dye some mohair, and knit, to unwind and and be alittle lazy. I feel like all I have done lately is run around and work and I'm tired of it! I want some me time.
So I'm going to work on these: http://cache.lionbrand.com/patterns/60159a.html
and make some lunch since I am awake way to early in the day!

I have to see something new!

Isn't that a pretty daffodil? Now to find the directions to make it!

that hat behind it is felted and oh so cool!! Do you think it is knit or crochet? We shall do some flower research!

Party Night

Well last night was Maria's Trailer trash Birthday Party! As you can see Davie and I really worked on the trashy part! We had a good time - then went and had breakfast with Bear at Jims - liver and onions! Here is bear sleeping on my couch!
He had been up 24 hours at that point! He was so pissed I took a picture - he knows if you fall asleep around me I take pictures! What did he expect?

So I'm still sick and plan to go back to bed now to nap til i have to go to work - but first.
Movie quote - last one was from Lilo and Stitch - Tana come on with those kids you didn't know that!
So for today:
"Dishes are done dude"
Tana I just told yo this one a couple days ago - go watch the movie!

I am a sane, rational, normal person

Well maybe some days I am, I think I am but don't they say the insane don't know they are insane. How scary is that! You could go your life thinking your in control, sane and never realize your as nutty as a fruit cake! Which when you think about it is a very odd statement - fruit cakes are full of fruit - shouldn't it be as fruity as a fruit cake?
On to other thoughts! I am much better about the whole Kevin thing, some days things just don't work out, and you just have to pick up and go on! I'm okay with that!

Random thought - i think I'll start leaving movie quotes - leave me a comment if you can name the movie! For today
"Her head is kinda loopsided, so i pretent she has worms in it"


I was up way earlier then i normally am - due to a nap at 5am, so I'm off to bed!

Update

So I am much calmer today. Spent some time with friends last night - had a good time, and was able to put things in perspective. I was also able to get some work done on the baby kimono for baby Mathew, so I am in a much better place. I thought through a few things and made a few decisions and am okay with whatever happens in my life in the next few weeks. Whatever happens may still upset and piss me off but that is okay - I have decided I like the ups and downs, it makes life very interesting! Makes me more aware of myself and what is happening around me. So I am off to bed! Had a nap at 3 am so was still wide awake when i normally sleep.

WELL.......

WARNING!!!!!!! This post is going to be explosive and have very nasty words!!!!

Finally talked to Kevin tonight - he got back on saturday afternoon, we chatted, he said he would call me back either tonight or tomorrow. Had a good conversation. Then I found out from other sources - you ready for this? -
HE BROUGHT HIS WIFE BACK AND DIDN'T SAY A FUCKING WORD!!!!!!!
Now I'm not upset he brought her back - if they can work things out I would be thrilled for him and his family - however BE A FUCKING MAN AND TELL ME ABOUT HER!!!! Don't hide what is going on in your life - makes me feel like the other woman and I am NEVER the OTHER WOMAN!!!! I have to much respect for myself and whoever I am with to be in that situation! I have listened and not said a word when friends were worried about me talking and hanging out with him, I have said we were open with each other about being friends and him not being in a place for a relationship - I'm fine with that - if I'm moving to Va then I am not in a place for that anyway - but I don't like that he is hiding this from me!!!

I have decided to not say a word that I know and see how long it takes him to tell me himself. As long as others don't tell him I know, it may be awhile! Should be interesting!

I guess I didn't have alot to say!

Was just too tired this am to think straight! After I started typing I couldn't get my thoughts together and was just too tired to decide what to say. I have had alot happen in the last week, so much so that the days have run together and I feel like last week was a month ago. Between hanging out with John in the middle of the night, working 9 overnights at work, knitting, and talking to friends - plus trying to remember to eat(which really is harder then you would think - I ended up with the shakes at work the other night and David(a regular) went and got me food he was so worried about me) I seem to have a hard time eating in them in the middle of the night, and cooking in the heat of the day makes me feel like throwing up. So I end up just eating once a night or snacking on a piece of pound cake at work or something - which is really bad for me.
I have also had a hard time sleeping with the heat so bad during the day - wake up covered in sweat and feeling icky.
I haven't heard from Kevin in a week - since he left for OK - he was supost to be back on saturday or sunday - so I may be just getting blown off, or he could be just really busy - whatever, I'm to tired and out of it to care at the moment.
I am trying to not text him too much or call - just get bored in the middle of the night and know he is one of the few people up at the hours I am.
I have the habit of sending random text messages in the middle of the night - just send off a large group to see who responds! Such a bad habit to get into!
Well i need to get a nap before work.

The Yarn Harlot

Stephanie Pearl-McFee & Sunshine Sallygayle

I have alot to say

It's an M & M - i know I didn't see it either!
So lots to say - first off went to see the Yarn Harlot a couple weeks ago and never posted the picture so here is that - was a very eventful day - just thinking about it makes me want a nap! Oh well never mind I can't remember how to resize the pictures. On to other things - I am sort of seeing a new guy - we hang out from time to time. His name is John - he's 20 - which mom thought was funny. He works 2 jobs and goes to school, so he doesn't have alot of time. He is a HUGH flirt and it makes me laugh - for those wanting to know what he looks like here is a really bad picture taken on my phone at 2 am in the dark the other night. He was not pleased i was taking pictures - he had been up since 7:30 the morning before and was very tired. Still cute though.
What else - I worked 9 of the last 10 nights and am now dead! But am doing better after not having to go in tonight!
Am half way through the baby kimono from the mason dixon knitting book for Lyndsay's baby due like next week. Pretty good for one day's work - especially for me I am a very slow knitter.
I think I'm going to take a nap!

What in the world is this?

Yes I am alive!

Yes I am alive. I have just been working the overnight 9 of the last 10 nights at work and too tired to do anything but go to work and come home and sleep. I did manage to finish two dishclothes yesterday morning when I got off work, before I went to sleep. The frog and the mystery KAL dishcloth from my Lone star state knitters group - one of the ladies designed it - she was bored, she's pregnant with her 5th and bored. Tell me if you can figure out what it is. Blogger is being difficult I'll load the picture later. Bye for now

It's time for bed

It's past time for me to go to bed - i'm alittle punch drunk with lack of sleep. But I realized earlier that for the first time in awhile I am really pretty okay with my life - I'm not doing anything important, I'm even having money problems from time to time - but i don't care. I am happy with who i am and what I'm doing! Work is pretty easy, I have a guy I enjoy spending time with, I'm knitting again. Right now I have 3 dishcloths, a rabbit, and a lace shawl on needles, and am making progress on all. I have plans with friends, I have people I can count on, and life is nice - I am so tempting fate by saying that! But that's okay! I may have car problems, and money problems but who cares! LIFE IS GOOD! All in all I couldn't really ask for much more - well I could but that would really tempt fate! I'm in a great mood and am going to bed! I am off to Hobby Lobby - where peaches and cream is .99 cents this week! And to bath and body works because i have a COUPON!!!!! More later

A long night.....

I had a very long night at work, and am glad to be home for some sleep! Every day makes me more aware of different parts of my life. Lately it's been my lack of knowledge when it comes to men - I have decided they really are a separate species with no relation at all to females. Their behavior makes no sense to my female mind and you can never read anything into their actions - you'll always be wrong. I have made the last 2 weeks a study of the species and come to a couple conclusions to help me in my daily life - one - always take them at face value - do not read anything into what they say or do, they really are that one dimensional. Two - they have a very odd relationship with the phone - where they can't return phone calls, and in equal parts hate and love their phone - they are never without it but they rarely answer it. So give up trying to reach them and expecting a response. Three - they rarely remember they are supposed to do something, or that they made plans to do something - everything is a complete surprise to them - it doesn't matter how many times you told them about it - they will not remember it! Four - they really don't listen - they have learned to respond based on the tone of your voice not what your saying, so don't expect them to remember you telling them anything - relates well to number three. Five - they will do anything to avoid an adult conversation about their feelings and/or your feelings, do not think even locking them in a room or in a car will work they will find a way out!

So to save your hair - you will feel the need to pull it out - remember these things, take a deep breath, and knit with clenched teeth til the urge to strangle, decapitate, or disembowel has passed and you'll be fine, knitting really is very therapeutic - just stay away from the male in your life when working with straights - they are excellent for stabbing, and will sink easily into a chest cavity.

In Addition..

to yesterday's post. I tried to post this yesterday since everyone has been bugging me about a picture to go along with the name. But blogger wouldn't let me upload any pictures. Everyone wants to know what Kevin looks like. This is a really bad picture, since he hates having his picture taken i had to sneak it while he wasn't paying attention. As far as i'm concerned it's what he deserves for not paying attention to me! It was 3am so he looks tired.